We at the Post put a cerebral stenography chip in the head of Zelda, a pug belonging to one of our veteran reporters, Conner Banks, without telling him.
Now Zelda can give us all the dog's-eye-view of the world.
So, Does Anyone Have
a Place I Can Stay?
by Conner Banks
I wouldn't normally do this, but...
Does anybody got a place I can crash?
My wife and I had a disagreement this weekend and I haven't seen her since.
I figured she would have cooled down by now.
I figured wrong.
Today I was served with divorce papers.
The dog and I have to be out by tonight.
She's really going to piss away seven years just because of a misunderstanding?
Okay, so the woman from 2C had just had a fight with her boyfriend and needed some consoling.
That was all.
She was so greatful that she offered to help me with that knot in my back.
My wife knows how sore my back can get.
My neighbor was digging really deep, so I took the shirt my wife got me for my birthday off.
She grabbed the sensual oils off the dresser to help me relax.
Same reason she lit my wife's Yankee Candles.
The oil started getting everywhere, which was the only reason she took her clothes off.
I tried explaining this to my wife while she was trying to kill our neighbor with my three-wood.
Maybe by next week she'll cool down.
But for this week-
Who's got a comfortable couch, and doesn't mind pug hair?
SKINS
usually he puts on more skins and heavyfeet when he's leaving the house.
but then sometimes he puts them on and just sits around the house.
and then there are times when he takes off his skins and walks around the house all day like that. if DADDY can do that, why ever put them on?
and why does he hurry to put them on when MOMMY comes home?
that's alright, ZELDA doesn't like DADDY as much without his skins.
with skins he plays with ZELDA a lot more.
without skins he just tends to play by himself.
the other day the MOMMY from next door came over.
DADDY said she came over to see me, but ZELDA know better.
DADDY and the nextdoor MOMMY took their skins off and only played with each other, but ZELDA didn't care since DADDY gave me a whole bowl of TREATS! then MOMMY came home and DADDY tried to put on his skins really fast.
it was funny.
MOMMY started calling for DADDY, but he didn't answer while the other MOMMY was putting on her skins, so ZELDA started yelling, "we're in here, MOMMY!"
the other MOMMY decided to go PLAY HIDE in the bathroom, but she used my cave under the sink without my permission so ZELDA BARKED at
her through the door until my MOMMY won the game. MOMMY was really mad at her for using ZELDA'S cave, and beat on the door with one of DADDY'S fun sticks.
MOMMY yelled at DADDY and the other MOMMY for playing without her.
they all yelled at each other until the MOMMYS left and DADDY drank the bottle of bad water all night.
CHARACTER PROFILES
